A girl can dream..

So I was sitting and thinking the other day and I realized that I have so many things in life that I want to do or was told that I couldnt do so I decieded to sit down and write them all out and slowly cross them off the list as I go! And one day hope to have them all accomplished soo lets see......

• Open a bakery
• Start drawing again
• Take dance lessons
• Be an interior decorater
• Finish school
• Sing karaoke
• Travel to a different country
• Swim with dolphins
• Get in shape
• Get better at photography
• Take cooking lessons in Italy or France
• Run a marathon
• Learn to go horseback riding
• Learn to ride a bike (motorcycle)
• Learn to drive stick shift
• Go skydiving
• Watch every Audrey Hepburn movie
• Design and build my own house
• Take boudoir photos
• Get my tounge pierced
• Watch the sun rise and set
• Spend a night on the beach
• Have a big family
• Drive cross country with nothing but a map and my radio
• Own a ranch with pigs, and horses, and chickens, and cows and cats and dogs

So lets see if I can make some of these dreams come true...im sure ill have more to add to the list as time goes on! Wish me luck!



Its like mixing oil and water

Hey all! So ever notice how no matter how hard you try you just cant get oil and water to mix they always seperate....Well thats how I feel latley about this deployment and living in alaska and just alot of other things. I hit my wall and hard the other night...I dont know if it was the all day of traveling, hormones going crazy, sad about saying goodbye to a friend, the freaking depressingly cold weather, coming home to a destroyed house that took an HOUR...yes i said an hour in the middle of the freaking night in the snow and below zero weather to get into, or being alone...or hell a combination of it all but I broke. Its been 6 months and I think ive stayed pretty strong and hung in there for it being my first deployment...but im ready to call it quits. Maybe to some that makes me weak but in all honesty I just dont care...the way I feel about it is why MAKE yourself miserable by staying in a place that you hate, that no matter how hard you try you just dont fit in so you feel alone...hell you are alone! In all honesty thats just crazy and silly! It may be alil crazy but I rather be around people who may not understand what it is im going through with my husband gone but who can still make me smile and geniuenly be there for each other then around people who know what im going through but are so terrible to one another. Actually I take that back its not crazy at all! I think its crazy that we all cut each other down just because were lonely, or well shes new, my husband doesnt like her husband so i hate her, her husband got promoted and mine didnt....I mean HELLO!! we are all in the same situation we should be there for each other and help each other out when needed no matter what because lets be honest weather you are married to an officer, or a private...its your fifth deployment or your first we are all scared,worried, alone, having many sleepless nights while they are gone....why make that harder on each other...shouldnt we be trying to make atleast some part of the days they are gone easier for each other.  Now this isnt about everyone...not EVERYONE does this and im not trying to offend anyone just venting about how I feel but in all honesty if this offends you...maybe you should do some thinking cause you are probally doing some of this stuff. I had alot more that I wanted to say...but its the middle of the night and im exhausted and forgot so im just going to end this here. Hopefully i got my point across! Night all!

ever feel like your going crazy....

Ever have one of those days where you feel like your going crazy and nobody sees it but you???? Today was one of those days! It felt like the world was out to get me and the only way to stay safe was to stay curled up in my bed under the blankets till i felt "RIGHT" again..............if that even makes the slightest bit of sense. On that note i didn't do that i got up and got my butt moving i even exercised and that was about as much as i got accomplished, well that and i got dressed and actually looked super cute!

Everything i attempted today i just couldnt focus on....even sitting on the couch watching tv..seriously how hard is that...i just kept finding myself wondering off to the same day dreaming thought.......and for what ever reason i couldnt shake it.

Idk if its homesickness, deployment stress, missing certain ppl in my life but i just couldnt get it together today and didnt know how to fix it. =(

So finally as i sit here writing this it hits me....im going to go upstairs take a nice loooooonnnnng bath put on my favorite playlists ( Brantley Gilbert and the the script)on Pandora, paint my nails and then crawl in bed and finish the night off with a sex and the city and sex in the city 2 marathon.... (id add a glass of wine and some dark chocolate in here but i unfortunately don't have any sadness )and hopefully that will brighten my mood! Ill let ya know how it goes.

For now i will just end with two of my favorite songs from the artists mentioned above! Enjoy

The " Mother in law"

Ok let me first start this by saying that I am in NO way trying to offend anyone and completley understand that not everyone falls into this category or has a situation like this. Some people are very lucky and get along with their signifcant others family.....I on the other do not! I have the pleasure of having a very pushy, overbearing, hardheaded, manipulative, cant cut the umbilical cord mother in law! If you are in the same situation or have been in the same situation.....I have just one question...HOW DO YOU DEAL?!?!?!?!


Now I could spend for ever on here going over all the crazy situations but I will give just a few brief examples! For starters how she feels about me.....I single handly destroyed her family, I took her son away, oh and I apperently am to blame for him joining the army and ruining his life. Now let me start by saying how sad and very upset this makes me! I am extremely PROUD of my husband and HIS career choice! It is not this easiest choice for all parties involved and it means spending alot of time away from each other...but I feel that it is worth it because He is happy and he feels that he is doing something very important and I feel the same way! I come from a very long line of military members but I am proud to say that my husband made this choice 100 % on his own and of his own will!  Also she has a very hard time excepting the answer no. She does things that are very backhanded and only so she can hold them over other peoples heads! Especially when it comes to me!Also she is very overbearing and still tries to baby my husband which drives me absolutely nuts!! He is 24 and will be 25 when he gets home...and I am 23 we are grown adults and capable of taking care of ourselves...she should be proud of the accomplishment of raising a son who can be on his own....or am I just crazy!

I try as hard as I can to be patient with her and to try and get along with her for the sake of my hubby! But its been 3 years total with a year of marraige and I just cant deal anymore I am so stressed out already with my hubbys deployment and all the little things that go along with that...dealing with her does not help...so anyone have any suggestions because I just dont know what to do anymore???

Also she thinks she is coming to vist so she can be here when he gets back from deployment!!! Now I dont mind if they come to visit he is there son but I feel like this is my time! and she should come at a later date! what about you??

Watching summer fade to fall...

Hey all!! Soo this blog is mainly just going to be a photo dump! lol I went with my dear friend Amber to take her kids to feed the duckies and play at the park! It was the perfect day for it!! All the leaves are changing here and the weather was a perfect mix of hot and cold! Plus I got a chance to play with my awesome fancy pants camera! lol Thanks again amber! So here are a few of my favorites from the day! =)

         

Things that blow my mind

Hey all! So this week has been super super crazy busy!! Im exhausted and alittle sick but to be honest I am enjoying it ...helps pass the time! So like I said this week has been super busy but also filled with things that just make me go WTF?!?!?!?!?!

 #1- When your best friend goes all crazy on your ass...pardon the language! But seriously when someone you have been so close with goes crazy and starts telling you that they cant trust you because of decisions that you have made in your life before you even knew them that have nothing to do with them...and the fact that they are having issues with their on and off boy friend you start to realize its time to cut that realtionship off at the knees!

#2- Being lied too about the simpliest of things....im a very understanding person and even if the truth does upset me I am more likely to get over it faster and understand better than if lied to!!! I hate hate hate that!

#3- When said friend from before is acutally projecting said reasons to not trust you based on her own actions.

#4- Crazies during deployment who really have nothing better to do then run their mouths and cause trouble for others who have enough on thier own plate just dealing with a deployment!

#5- Ppl who went pyschotic on you and then think that a simple facebook friend request will make up for all those things.

#6- Parents who pay no attention to their kids even when those kids are running directly at an on coming car!!!

#7- Crazy weather patterns that make it hot one day and cold the next!! Also when your house feels like its summer and outside its freezing! This causes me to get sick and I hate getting sick!

Hmm I think that was everything! Thanks for hanging in their through my random vents! Hope your week is going well!!! =)

Just doing some writting....and maybe alil thinking too

These are just some things ive written out during certain points in my life. This is a very scary thing for me because I normally dont let ppl see the personal stuff I write because I feel like they would get to close to me and see me for who I am and I feel like it would lead me into being hurt....but im giving it a shot and putting myself out there lets hope it doesnt back fire......

Back to the basics of me- September 10,2010

Staring in the mirror i dont recognize this person ive become. All i want to do is take my fist and punch the image i see....and i think really would that really be so bad???? When did i take this turn... I used to be so happy, loving, confident and strong. I didnt care how others saw me because i was happy with me i knew me and thats all that mattered...when did i let that change...where did this angry heartbroken person come from? I feel like i lost myself always taking care of how everyone else feels and picking them up when they fall.I hate how i feel that i have to censor myself because of what others think! Like i shouldnt feel a certain way because it might hurt someone else. How is that fair to me. By doing that im only hurting myself. I walk around with a smile on my face and laughing the days away and what hurts the most is that no one but me can see the pain thats hidden underneath. I just want someone to look at me and tell me its ok to fall apart. I want someone to be there to pick me up and not leave when things get tough. I want someone to see me for me..and not how they want me to be... But most importantly i just wanna get back to the basics of me! But for now i stare in the mirror...smile on my face and ready to start the day with the stranger ive become.


Cold Heart - June 30, 2011

I may have a cold heart but thats due to the lack of one in you. Im getting so good at this fake happy life I almost believed it myself.Those closest to me cant see the pain. I look in the mirror and tears flood my eyes, why cant you see the pain? One look into your eyes and I almost give it away, but no I choke it back, swallow the lump in my throat and bottle the pain back up behind the walls ive built up. I tell myself, You've done something to deserve it...that many years and no one noticed....you had to have deserved it. No one would believe you anyway, look at the lies youve built for yourself why would this be any different. I hate the night time and being alone, left with nothing but my thoughts. Some days I just want to give up, break down...but that would be considered weak and unacceptable, always been told to put on a brave face and be strong, do what you have to to push past the hurt and the pain. Being to emotional is not acceptable, maybe thats why I have the hardest time to express even the tinyest emotion. Never let anyone get to close, cant get hurt that way. I hate this emptyness inside me, I hate that you cant see it. Then again maybe thats not so bad, to be that vulnerable because really who could love something that damaged, but then again are you truely loved now so would it really make a diffrence?


I really like this song and it hits a spot with me....so i thought it was fitting with this blog...hope you enjoy...

Deployment days!

Hello all! Sorry its been like forever since ive been on here. I went home to visit and for my hubbys R and R. Which was amazing by the way!! He came home two days earlier than expected and completely suprised me!! It was the best day ever!! I spent 15 mins crying on him before i finally opened my mouth and asked what he was doing here?? lol ( completley shocked so my brain didnt quite function) We had an awesome 15 days and now its just a count down till i head back to good ole alaksa! which im looking forward to because im getting my cat back and im starting to miss some faces!! Ill keep this one short and end this with some pics from my time at home! =) hope you all enjoy! ill be posting another one soon!

Suprise hubby is home!!!!!!!!

Our little family =)

<3

Hubby took me on a suprise picnic where we got married! <3

Were silly! random pic top left, on a hike top right and hunkering down for the hurricane bottom

Its never goodbye just see ya later! Always and forever baby <3

Welcome to my life!

Ok so this is just one of my very random moments...but it made me extremely happy today and i had to share!!

So i was very excited today because today i babysat for my dear friend Amber so she could go and get her new car!! Yay!!! so from there we decieded that we would go get some delicious food! Now after this i went home to get ready for the day ahead and met back up with her and another friend Sasha for a play date only to find the indoor park closed! =(  lameness i might add.

So BACKUP PLAN! we took the kiddos to McDonalds! and they got to play around for a couple hours...who doesnt love McDonalds play place! ok back to the story! From there we went to walmart because i needed stuff for some care packages!! yay!! So while wondering around walmart for awhile and grabbing random things here and there that would make a delicous care package treat!! low and behold we find.....you ready for this???

DUNKAROOS!

Yes yes i am talking about the amazingly yummy graham cracker snack that you dunk into either chocolater or vanilla with sprinkles frosting from when we where kids! Now this got me so excited because me and my hubby will randomly go on lets to to the store and buy a bunch of junk food and vegg out shopping sprees....Now we have been together for almost three years and have been looking for them ever since!! I seriously was sad because i thought they didnt make them anymore! So needless to say when i saw them i got extremely excited!!

I ended up buying one of each for me and one of each for him and im hopping to suprise him with them in his care package!!....This is just one of the many random days that make up my crazy life! Sorry for the whole rambely thing! I told you i do that often...plus its like 1 am right now so im alittle dumb sleepy!

Thanks for hanging in there now i will end this with a pic!

All about me!

So this is my first time blogging and im not really sure where to start so i figured i would start by telling you all about me!

Im 23 years old Living in Alaska! Its an amazing experience by far but i could do without the cold!! I used to complian about the weather in Connecticut but never again! haha! I love being outdoors the beach is my favorite place to go!! I could spend the rest of my life there and never get tired of it! Im a huge sports fan! Baseball and football are my favs!! Red Sox and Patriots Since i could walk! I take way to many pictures! I have an obssesion with heels, mascara and lip gloss. The colors green and blue are my favorites! I am a very simple girl and have no problem telling you how it is. I tend to ramble alot though! I am an Army wife and extremely Proud to be and of my husband!

This is my adorbale husband! His name is Scott! We have been married for just over a year. I know how you always hear those stories about how they fell in love at first sight...but we really did...he was soo shy when i first meet him that instead of talking to me he threw paper footballs at me from across his living room...idk what it was about that but from there i was hooked! He has been in the army for about a year and a half now and we are currently going thru our first deployment! I miss him like crazy!

This is our cat Gizmo! Yes just like from Gremlins....and boy does the name fit! haha we have also learned to avoid cat nip! wow crazyness! haha.

Theres not really to much else to say so im going to end with some pictures of my AMAZING friends and family!

Enjoy!