Love Sick Tragedy......

Look me in my eyes and tell me with all honesty how you feel....with the purest words and that look that makes me feel like you can see deep into the heart of me. You want me to put up a fight, then open up your eyes......I have been fighting for you all along. I feel myself starting to get weak through all the maybe ifs, whens, nevers.....through all the late nights, and all the tears. Its hard to fight something that you are not sure is there. Hard to believe that you cant see what you do to me..... butterflies, shaky hands and knees, incomplete thoughts, studdering words. Some days I think I should just give it all up, give up the heartache......but in all reality that would just make my heart ache more. A love like this was never meant to be easy. Its the type of love that movies and books are made out of. The type of love that even if it all goes down in flames it will be apart of you......something you carry with you forever. So now its your turn to fight......to prove we are fighting this together. Make me feel every word with everything I have....... and even if its telling me you dont feel the same, and even if it breaks my heart..........I will once and for all know....and atleast I can walk away knowing we gave it all we had.

A girl can dream..

So I was sitting and thinking the other day and I realized that I have so many things in life that I want to do or was told that I couldnt do so I decieded to sit down and write them all out and slowly cross them off the list as I go! And one day hope to have them all accomplished soo lets see......

• Open a bakery
• Start drawing again
• Take dance lessons
• Be an interior decorater
• Finish school
• Sing karaoke
• Travel to a different country
• Swim with dolphins
• Get in shape
• Get better at photography
• Take cooking lessons in Italy or France
• Run a marathon
• Learn to go horseback riding
• Learn to ride a bike (motorcycle)
• Learn to drive stick shift
• Go skydiving
• Watch every Audrey Hepburn movie
• Design and build my own house
• Take boudoir photos
• Get my tounge pierced
• Watch the sun rise and set
• Spend a night on the beach
• Have a big family
• Drive cross country with nothing but a map and my radio
• Own a ranch with pigs, and horses, and chickens, and cows and cats and dogs

So lets see if I can make some of these dreams come true...im sure ill have more to add to the list as time goes on! Wish me luck!



Its like mixing oil and water

Hey all! So ever notice how no matter how hard you try you just cant get oil and water to mix they always seperate....Well thats how I feel latley about this deployment and living in alaska and just alot of other things. I hit my wall and hard the other night...I dont know if it was the all day of traveling, hormones going crazy, sad about saying goodbye to a friend, the freaking depressingly cold weather, coming home to a destroyed house that took an HOUR...yes i said an hour in the middle of the freaking night in the snow and below zero weather to get into, or being alone...or hell a combination of it all but I broke. Its been 6 months and I think ive stayed pretty strong and hung in there for it being my first deployment...but im ready to call it quits. Maybe to some that makes me weak but in all honesty I just dont care...the way I feel about it is why MAKE yourself miserable by staying in a place that you hate, that no matter how hard you try you just dont fit in so you feel alone...hell you are alone! In all honesty thats just crazy and silly! It may be alil crazy but I rather be around people who may not understand what it is im going through with my husband gone but who can still make me smile and geniuenly be there for each other then around people who know what im going through but are so terrible to one another. Actually I take that back its not crazy at all! I think its crazy that we all cut each other down just because were lonely, or well shes new, my husband doesnt like her husband so i hate her, her husband got promoted and mine didnt....I mean HELLO!! we are all in the same situation we should be there for each other and help each other out when needed no matter what because lets be honest weather you are married to an officer, or a private...its your fifth deployment or your first we are all scared,worried, alone, having many sleepless nights while they are gone....why make that harder on each other...shouldnt we be trying to make atleast some part of the days they are gone easier for each other.  Now this isnt about everyone...not EVERYONE does this and im not trying to offend anyone just venting about how I feel but in all honesty if this offends you...maybe you should do some thinking cause you are probally doing some of this stuff. I had alot more that I wanted to say...but its the middle of the night and im exhausted and forgot so im just going to end this here. Hopefully i got my point across! Night all!

ever feel like your going crazy....

Ever have one of those days where you feel like your going crazy and nobody sees it but you???? Today was one of those days! It felt like the world was out to get me and the only way to stay safe was to stay curled up in my bed under the blankets till i felt "RIGHT" again..............if that even makes the slightest bit of sense. On that note i didn't do that i got up and got my butt moving i even exercised and that was about as much as i got accomplished, well that and i got dressed and actually looked super cute!

Everything i attempted today i just couldnt focus on....even sitting on the couch watching tv..seriously how hard is that...i just kept finding myself wondering off to the same day dreaming thought.......and for what ever reason i couldnt shake it.

Idk if its homesickness, deployment stress, missing certain ppl in my life but i just couldnt get it together today and didnt know how to fix it. =(

So finally as i sit here writing this it hits me....im going to go upstairs take a nice loooooonnnnng bath put on my favorite playlists ( Brantley Gilbert and the the script)on Pandora, paint my nails and then crawl in bed and finish the night off with a sex and the city and sex in the city 2 marathon.... (id add a glass of wine and some dark chocolate in here but i unfortunately don't have any sadness )and hopefully that will brighten my mood! Ill let ya know how it goes.

For now i will just end with two of my favorite songs from the artists mentioned above! Enjoy

The " Mother in law"

Ok let me first start this by saying that I am in NO way trying to offend anyone and completley understand that not everyone falls into this category or has a situation like this. Some people are very lucky and get along with their signifcant others family.....I on the other do not! I have the pleasure of having a very pushy, overbearing, hardheaded, manipulative, cant cut the umbilical cord mother in law! If you are in the same situation or have been in the same situation.....I have just one question...HOW DO YOU DEAL?!?!?!?!


Now I could spend for ever on here going over all the crazy situations but I will give just a few brief examples! For starters how she feels about me.....I single handly destroyed her family, I took her son away, oh and I apperently am to blame for him joining the army and ruining his life. Now let me start by saying how sad and very upset this makes me! I am extremely PROUD of my husband and HIS career choice! It is not this easiest choice for all parties involved and it means spending alot of time away from each other...but I feel that it is worth it because He is happy and he feels that he is doing something very important and I feel the same way! I come from a very long line of military members but I am proud to say that my husband made this choice 100 % on his own and of his own will!  Also she has a very hard time excepting the answer no. She does things that are very backhanded and only so she can hold them over other peoples heads! Especially when it comes to me!Also she is very overbearing and still tries to baby my husband which drives me absolutely nuts!! He is 24 and will be 25 when he gets home...and I am 23 we are grown adults and capable of taking care of ourselves...she should be proud of the accomplishment of raising a son who can be on his own....or am I just crazy!

I try as hard as I can to be patient with her and to try and get along with her for the sake of my hubby! But its been 3 years total with a year of marraige and I just cant deal anymore I am so stressed out already with my hubbys deployment and all the little things that go along with that...dealing with her does not help...so anyone have any suggestions because I just dont know what to do anymore???

Also she thinks she is coming to vist so she can be here when he gets back from deployment!!! Now I dont mind if they come to visit he is there son but I feel like this is my time! and she should come at a later date! what about you??

Watching summer fade to fall...

Hey all!! Soo this blog is mainly just going to be a photo dump! lol I went with my dear friend Amber to take her kids to feed the duckies and play at the park! It was the perfect day for it!! All the leaves are changing here and the weather was a perfect mix of hot and cold! Plus I got a chance to play with my awesome fancy pants camera! lol Thanks again amber! So here are a few of my favorites from the day! =)

         

Things that blow my mind

Hey all! So this week has been super super crazy busy!! Im exhausted and alittle sick but to be honest I am enjoying it ...helps pass the time! So like I said this week has been super busy but also filled with things that just make me go WTF?!?!?!?!?!

 #1- When your best friend goes all crazy on your ass...pardon the language! But seriously when someone you have been so close with goes crazy and starts telling you that they cant trust you because of decisions that you have made in your life before you even knew them that have nothing to do with them...and the fact that they are having issues with their on and off boy friend you start to realize its time to cut that realtionship off at the knees!

#2- Being lied too about the simpliest of things....im a very understanding person and even if the truth does upset me I am more likely to get over it faster and understand better than if lied to!!! I hate hate hate that!

#3- When said friend from before is acutally projecting said reasons to not trust you based on her own actions.

#4- Crazies during deployment who really have nothing better to do then run their mouths and cause trouble for others who have enough on thier own plate just dealing with a deployment!

#5- Ppl who went pyschotic on you and then think that a simple facebook friend request will make up for all those things.

#6- Parents who pay no attention to their kids even when those kids are running directly at an on coming car!!!

#7- Crazy weather patterns that make it hot one day and cold the next!! Also when your house feels like its summer and outside its freezing! This causes me to get sick and I hate getting sick!

Hmm I think that was everything! Thanks for hanging in their through my random vents! Hope your week is going well!!! =)